Comforted, But Fading

Saturday, 24 October 2009

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers for my mom and the family.

Last night I was at Pantai Hospital with my mom, dad, Lionel and Shea Fee as they arrived from Singapore. The ambulance staff were caring and amazing individuals who took every possible measure to ensure she had a safe and comfortable journey. They made the trip knowing that they'd be driving back to Singapore to start work again at 6am today.

Mom was conscious throughout. She was in pretty good spirits all night, all things considered. We talked. We even laughed. She also said that she was at peace with letting go, if God would tell her that He felt her work was done here.

That was the biggest source of relief for me. At least I know she's not desperately struggling to hang on.

Dr John Low, her oncologist, came by to brief us on her condition. Her kidneys and liver are shutting down. She's jaundiced--the whites of her eyes were yellow--and the fluid that was continuously accumulating in her stomach cavity is a signal that her cancer is progressing very aggressively.

She seems to have accepted all this.

Then this morning, I received an SMS from Lionel, who spent the night with her after I left at 3am. Her pain levels had escalated all night so she couldn't sleep. And when I went with Han and the kids to see her about 2 hours ago, she was looking rather dazed and unfocused.

Our aunts and uncles from Penang came to see her. They are now with her while Lionel, Daddy and the rest of us went home to rest. She doesn't want any other visitors for the time being.

While she could still hold a conversation, it's clear that she's fading. Her increased intake of morphine to counter her pain is making it hard for her to be fully conscious--she looked like she was trying to stay awake. Long pauses before she could answer simple questions.

The kids made her smile a little, at least. Unfortunately they started getting a little cranky from wanting to nap so their antics of walking through curtains and getting their hands dirty from poking around corners got my mom a little worked up about compromised hygiene. We left shortly after.

I will go back to visit after lunch.


#1Gravatar imagesiew choo says:

Dear Michelle,
(This is janice’s mum)

Yesterday when I heard the news about your mum, I have been praying for her and the family. I pray that she will let go- of you, as you nurture your family. She must trust God that she has done her job and in His faithfulness, He will bless her children and her children’s children.I also prayed she will be peaceful in letting go of the family. Her request to God earlier this year to see Lionel married in church has been answered.
Saying goodbye is hard, but even Jesus has to, after 33years. For Him, many things still needed to be done, many still waiting for Him. But in His life,He has done the Father’s will and so He said,’it is finished’.His job is done.
Her job is done too.God will continue His work.
So I am comforted to read what you have written.
Please let her know she has done a very good job. This is evidenced by the many testimonies received. She is leaving behind a legacy. She can rest from her labour.God is saying to her ‘well done my faithful servant’.HE is ready when she is.
May you and your family find comfort knowing she will be going to a place prepared for her. May you give permission to say goodbye till you meet again.

#2Gravatar imageMin Yen says:

My dearest Mich,

Am praying for your mom, you and the rest of your family – that she may be comfortable and find relief from her suffering, that you will be given strength through this most difficult time, and that you will discover her again in your two beautiful children as they grow in her memory.

I wish I could give you a Big Hug right now.

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