Not My Own

Saturday, 7 April 2007

Brandon's feeds were very close together today--he was hungry almost every hour this afternoon, and spent a lot of time awake, wanting to be carried. Everyone's taking it in stride, but I personally am finding it quite tiring. Not tiresome, just tiring. Every feed can take anything between 20 minutes to an hour. Sometimes he needs his diaper to be changed in between. Sometimes I read him wrongly, thinking that he's full when he actually isn't--which leads to another round of fretting and crying, and me scrambling to get ready for him.

It's so crucial that he sleeps at a stretch (the max he's done is about 4 hours, but that was just on one occasion) so that I also get to steal a quick nap. I can't seem to express enough milk to store for the night feeds anymore, which means having to forgo a solid night's sleep. Han sleeps quite easily despite the interruptions at night though. I'm envious. 🙁

Brandon's showing me that my time really isn't my own. He's entirely dependent on us--there's no way I can fault him for being so needy. We have to make sure that we're ready and available to attend to him. On a larger scale I'm also reminded that my time on earth is also dictated by God, and I'm just being silly to think that all this while I was able to 'do my own thing'.

In an earlier post, I mentioned that we're discovering a new facet of love. I've just realised that we also have to find a new form of freedom within the new boundaries that we face with the little one to take care of.

It's just the beginning of learning what sacrifice really means.

One Comment

#1Gravatar imageSee Ming says:

hugs Michelle, a girlfriend of mine recommends this book… i just bought a copy but have not finished yet, but seems like it is making some sense in the first few chapters.

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