My Life-long Balancing Act

Thursday, 9 February 2006

The classic musical Fiddler on the Roof opens with this observant monologue from Tevye, played by the monumental Zero Mostel:

A fiddler on the roof...
Sounds crazy, no?
But here, in our little village of Anatevka,
you might say
every one of us is a fiddler on the roof.
Trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune
without breaking his neck.
It isn't easy.
You may ask,
why do we stay up there
if it's so dangerous?
Well, we stay because
Anatevka is our home.
And how do we keep our balance?
That I can tell you in one word!
Tradition!

Balancing has become somewhat of a fixation for me. Balancing time commitments. Balancing financial accounts. Balancing to hold a position while on stage. Balancing ego and humility. It becomes supremely mind-boggling when I think that balancing is also very much a God-scale act (think: microorganisms -> creatures -> ecosystems -> Earth -> Universe and everything else).

And yet, somehow it happens at the subconscious level most of the time, unless you make a concerted effort to find out where you're going wrong. Maybe it's one of those hygiene-factor-like things where you only notice them when they get broken.

A couple of days ago, Han asked me to think carefully if I lead a balanced life at the moment. My initial answer was a very resolute 'yes', because I was looking at what I was doing with my time between work and nurturing my personal interests. Many have remarked that they're amazed at the kind of life I lead because it seems so packed--always on the go, running to one rehearsal or another, socializing and still holding a full time job. And doing all that within the 24 hours we're given in a day.

Fulfilling? I think so. At the very least I'll have some great stories to tell the grandchildren.

There's a big oversight, however. Because I'm spending so much time on myself, doing the things I want to do, I've fallen into the trap of not making time for others--my family, Han himself and most importantly, the One who gave me life to begin with. I do feel guilty now that I think about it. They're the ones who've been encouraging and moulding me, and I'm certain they'll continue doing so without expecting a thing in return.

Except quality time together, perhaps. It shouldn't be too much to ask for.

I was silly to think that I'm keeping it all together well. Han and I have argued about how I'm spending my time, and now I must concede that I can do a better job of it. It does bring to light some exciting options with regards to my career path 😉 but the question is whether I'd be bold enough to jump off the cliff with a pair of wings I'd never tried out, let alone known I had.

Here's to yet another landmark year ahead. I feels it in me bones.

One Comment

#1Gravatar imageAnson F-Clef says:

Yo Yo Michelle – happy Chap Goh Meh and Tuesday’s Valentine! I can personally say I do quite often have a similar struggle concerning life and time-balancing acts….but what more that I personally need to do is basically to take things and activities in life ONE at a TIME….in order not to end up having to gasp badly for breath as I have had between November and January….now that I have for now just moved on from a jingle arranger as a part-freelancer, I still can’t say that I am entirely through yet….I do have upcoming serious music arrangements to come anyhow (as the Lord leads and guides me)….but what more I do sometimes need some tips on how to organize excursions to nearby local destinations just to sometimes break the ducks of life…..hehehe…..

BTW on a more positive note, pics of P. In Chorus (PiC) are already up in my blog at http://ansonfclef.multiply.com/photos/album/28.

Cyalater!

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