Fizzled Out But Still Buzzing

Thursday, 22 September 2005

Today I arrived at the office barely able to keep my eyes from sliding shut, even while standing up. The mind is active, but the body weak--the past few days have been a blur of activity after work, mostly because of M! rehearsals. I have to face the embarrassing reality that my physical self can't take as much bashing as it used to.

I need my sleep.

I need my regular meals.

I'm not beyond human.

Really, I'm looking skinny even though I'm actively trying to eat more. Thanks to all who have pointed this out to me because vanity does make one blind to one's own shortcomings.

The eye-bags which I've tried so hard to keep at bay are returning. My skin's in bad shape (partly because I've neglected my biweekly facials, partly from lack of sleep, and I'm sure the diet isn't helping either). And although I may have bulked up somewhat on my shoulders, the ribs are still morbidly visible.

I feel completely unattractive, and utterly drained... but somehow my mind still keeps on churning and thinking and processing and dreaming. Occasionally it pauses for a breather, but all it takes is a single stimulus and it hits the ground running again. Oh the coffee helps with keeping alert, for sure--but the rest of me can't catch up! So thoughts remain unarticulated (because I'm too lazy to speak), and my vision vascillates between being out of focus, then darting from one object to another in intense curiosity.

This evening another round of rehearsals await. There will be a photo shoot tonight and maybe that will drag the session way past 11pm. As such, I've decided to find out what state I'll be in after another 5 cups of coffee. What? I'm just being inquisitive. To hell with the effects of caffeine on skeletal structures and skin, because mine are already there... so I doubt this round will make much of a difference (but I'll abstain from the stuff once I'm posted back to my original office--goodbye evil vending machine of free diuretics).

5 Comments

#1Gravatar imageAndy Heong says:

Vanity Mich? Seens when were you vain? :p You need to eat more fatty stuff… more ghee and such. That should err… bulk you up 😀

#2Gravatar imagekOtAk says:

hmmm… sounds familar… guess i’m in the same situation as you are in. except that no matter how tired i am at night, i hv a bad habit of not sleeping earlier. i feel like its a waste of my “relax” time if i sleep early. bad cos i come to work totally unmotivated and unfocused. bad bad bad. anyways, hope your rehersals go well and your show even better!! let me know when its on! 🙂

#3Gravatar imageMichelle says:

Andy: yeah yeah, and clog my arteries in the process, thanks. :p

Kotak: Heheh, I know what you mean. ‘Me’-time comes at a premium these days, no? Will definitely keep people posted on show dates etc.

#4Gravatar imageLincoln says:

I admire you for your energy and “full” life. As it is, I can hardly find time to do half the things that I want to do. Whats your secret ? (besides the fizzle out look. I’ve figured out how to do that)

#5Gravatar imageMichelle says:

Linc: It all boils down to give and take, and making sacrifices. For instance, it doesn’t look like I’m ever going to earn a 5-figure salary because I can’t put in the hours required to climb up the corporate ladder. And because I have late nights, the skin is starting to look like pizza topping.

But you know what, thanks for reminding me that I always have reasons to be thankful for the life that I have, whatever the circumstance. 🙂 God knows exactly what each of us is capable of and I’m convinced that He gives us ample opportunity to exercise our gifts for the good of others, and to put Him in the spotlight, so to speak.

I’d like to think that that is what keeps me going, whether consciously or otherwise.

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